By: Penny Swift
After many years of being together, couples often wonder how they can still bring that energy from the first 3 months of the relationship into its fifteenth year. This is a common challenge given that the first few months of a relationship is often all about adventures and newness. Fast forward, after several years, most people in a long term relationship can probably guess what their partner is about to say or do before it happens.
While there are no magic spells that you can cast upon you and your partner, there are several ways couples can spice things up in the bedroom. From sexy underthings to deeper understanding of oneself, we have rounded up 3 ways you can add that extra boost into the bedroom.
1. Be More Comfortable in Your Body to Experience Pleasure
One of the biggest obstacles to enjoyable intimacy and sex is feeling comfortable in your own body. What it really comes down to is liking yourself and enjoying who you are. If you feel good about yourself, your partner is more likely to embrace the love.
You also need confidence and the ability to communicate on all levels with your partner. You shouldn't feel as if you are watching what’s going on when you make love and instead, focus on the pleasurable sensations you experience.
In 1970, a study by Masters and Johnson suggested that one of the most common problems sexual partners have is that they experience the act as if they are a third person watching what is happening. They called it spectatoring. If this is what you experience, you’re certainly not alone.
So how can you be sure you won’t be a spectator when you have sex?
Way back then, Masters and Johnson suggested Sensate Focus, an activity that involves touching and being touched. It was a way for men and women to become aware of their physical experiences and feelings. It also focuses on sensuality rather than sexuality. They specify just five steps, all done while both partners are undressed and showered:
- Touching everything except the genitals. Be aware of texture and anything that arouses you sexually.
- Explore your mutual genitals and your breasts. No kissing or intercourse.
- Use oil or a lotion to increase sensuality.
- Touch each other and include oral stimulation. But still no sex.
- Engage in sexual intercourse and focus on your sensations. What’s not to love?
2. Beat the Guilt & Shame of Self-Pleasure
Self pleasure is the base to understanding what feels good to you. After all, how can we communicate with our partner on what they should do to make us feel good if we, ourselves, don't know?
If the concept of self pleasure is new to you, we wouldn't recommend you to buy 15 sex toys and go to town. Instead, use your hands and explore your body. Know that there is nothing shameful about playing with your vulva and identify what feels good. If you need inspiration or movement tips, there are many resources out there, but we'd recommend OMGYES.com to start.
When you feel safe to do so, talk to your partner about what feels good before, during, and after sex play or sexual intercourse. Sharing is more than caring, it’s ensuring that you both get pleasure from what you do.
3. Wearing Luxurious Lingerie
As the base of a woman's outfit everyday, lingerie brings about the tone of the day. Need an extra confidence boost? feeling playful? or in the mood to just get through a list of errands for the day? Your lingerie says it all. So, it’s no wonder that so many women add to their lingerie wardrobe before they buy jeans, skirts, tops, and dresses!
The truth is that beautiful lingerie doesn’t just boost a woman’s confidence and make her feel sensual and sexual, it also adds to the pleasure her partner experiences visually and physically.
Just remember that the more self-conscious and critical you are about your body, the more difficult it will be to enjoy being in it. Getting naked isn’t a prerequisite for getting sexually excited. But wearing great quality lingerie that makes YOU feel good, is a good start.
If you're interested in a box of your own pretty little things that are curated to your size and preferences, click here to take our Style Quiz.
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Penny Swift is a versatile writer who was trained on newspapers, migrated to magazines, and has written more than 40 non-fiction books. She has written countless articles on a vast range of topics from landscaping and interior decor to leather jackets and trend-setting lingerie. As a busy, working mom of three, she knows how important it is for women to care about and feel good about themselves.